I haven’t posted about this on my blog yet, but in my everyday life I’m pretty open about it, so I figured I would share today. Kevin and I are childfree by choice. This means we do not want any kids ever.
Before you start getting judgy, just know that I try my best to be accepting of others’ life choices AS LONG AS they don’t bug me about mine. Want to go live in a cabin all alone and catch your own food? Cool! In a polyamorous relationship? Great! Want to buzz a logo into your hair? Rad! Just let me be me, and I’ll let you be you. Sound good?
Childfree people can get a lot of hate online. As a group, we’re called selfish pretty darn often, which can make some of us a little combative when confronted about it. I don’t want to contribute to that environment, and I’m not here to tell you why my way is the best way. It’s just the best way for me and my husband. Please don’t take my reasons as an attack if you have chosen or plan to chose differently. Remember, that’s okay! I’m just sharing a perspective that’s not considered mainstream, in case you’re curious and want to know more.
So why are we childfree and what do we love about it? Since you asked so nicely, I’ll tell you!
I’m an introvert who needs lots of “me” time
I think this may be where we get our “selfish” reputation from, but whatever. This is my main reason, and is all I need for a valid answer why I don’t want kids: Because of my personality, I just don’t want to be a parent.
Being around other people too long, kids especially, leaves me drained and irritable. I LOVE to come home after work and have an hour or two to myself, while Kevin does the same in his man cave. Then we can come together to relax with our dinner and TV for the rest of the night. It’s so nice!
Being introverted means you do a lot of your activity inside your brain while appearing quiet to the outside world. If I were a parent, I would not handle well the needs of a child craving constant attention. That would put me over the edge (I’m feeling anxiety now, just writing about it). Just… shhhh!
I’m more maternal towards animals
I have a very strong urge to stroke the ears of every puppy I see, and I get obnoxious “baby voice” for adorable internet animals. But I won’t coo over photos of kids, and I’ll mysteriously get a phone call if you ask if I want to hold the baby.
In certain ways, I am a pessimist. I tend to worry about worst-case scenarios, which includes the doom-and-gloom reports that keep coming out about climate change. I’m sorry if it scares you, but I think it’s time to be scared. These issues will be major problems for today’s little kids in just a couple decades, and I just can’t fathom willingly putting someone I love into that environment and knowing at some point I’ll be leaving them behind. It scares me too much.
By not having any kids, I can keep that fear from eating me alive. I hope someday I’m proven way wrong, but it doesn’t hurt anyone for me to take the side of caution on this. At least I have other reasons too, so I don’t feel like I’m sacrificing.
My friend Taylor would tell you I’m afraid of everything. While she is teasing, because that is not how I am all the time, it does come from a place of truth. I tend to worry about bad things happening to me or people I love, mostly accidents and things like that. If I were in charge of the safety of a tiny fragile human, my mind would probably break from the anxiety. I’d be worrying every second of their life, and it would be no fun for any of us. As much as I worry about Kevin, at least he can take care of himself.
I love my life the way it is
I love that I can spoil my dogs, go bumming on the weekends, hang out with friends regularly, go grocery shopping with my partner, eat junk food for dinner, have candles and breakables in my house, host theme parties, etc.
Some new parents say they didn’t realize how much life would change before having kids. Well I can imagine many ways, and they aren’t things that I want.
This wasn’t my main reason when making our choice, but it’s probably my favorite outcome from it. Of course we have a bit more money to spend on travel, since we’re not paying for diapers, daycare, or third or fourth seats on flights. But even better, we can go whenever we want! We are not limited to summer vacation (our least favorite weather to travel in).
And because of our jobs, we don’t need too much notice if it’s not a popular time of year to ask for time off. Kevin recently made us a tentative travel schedule, and it just tickled my fancy that it was all early spring and fall months, when everyone else is focused on school. I love it!
Well there you have it. Hopefully I didn’t offend anyone in the process of sharing my personal opinions (I know the environment stuff can be triggering for some people). Like I said at the beginning, we should all be able to make our own choices that are different from each other without getting upset about it. Let’s all be our weird selves and enjoy it! Thanks for reading!